Mocking My Natural Curls Makes Me Cry

by Sasa
(Singapore)

I am Asian and I was born with natural loose curls and fine hair. I mean super fine - you can see my scalp. My hair went frizzy when I was around six years old. The curls became rougher and, well, I looked like I had thin crooked wires sticking up on my head. They say it's African curls.

All through my primary and high school years I've been getting funny names about my hair. Most of the people here have straight hair. I would ignore them but deep down it hurts because I just want to look pretty and normal. So I've been having my hair relaxed continuously since I was 15 till recently. Now I'm 23 and my straight hair is lifeless at the bottom and semi-wavy on top.

Two weeks ago I decided to embrace my curls but the hairstylist cut off almost everything. My hair length used to be medium length, and now I look like a boy. I've just lost all my confidence. Every single bit. I have broad shoulders and I am not petite. Nothing I wear suits my hair. I avoid looking at mirrors because I feel unladylike.

My friends and colleagues sniggered and laughed at my hair. They said it was a pity I cut my hair and some said my curls "looked like a n*gro!" It's really offensive and painful. I do not know anyone personally I can relate to because no one I know has curly hair! I Youtubed and googled to get inspiration and I always think it's neat, especially black ladies, cause they just look good with anything plus the confidence.

Now that my hair is short, the scalp shows through again. My frizz is dry and it puffs on the top part of my head and I have to use gel to hold it back down and it's crispy and I hate it but I have to do it. The hair length was a mistake and I can't wait to grow it out because maybe the curls won't be so bad after all.

Meantime, please help me with your advice, because I am trying hard to love the unique curly me but the society I live in has completely destroyed my self esteem.